The Artist I’m Not

It has been awhile since I’ve really invested much time or effort into lost in aporia. Neither as an instagram page (any social) or as my actual blog. Few even know about the blog and the work I do there.

I do not need to explain to anyone just how difficult a year 2020 had been. For it was as challenging a year as I’ve ever had to face. With the pandemic in the background, my own life path curved in unexpected and expected ways; with some developments well long on going reaching some conclusion, with some old issues bursting into new problems. It was a year of great changes. But when I think about it honestly the seeds for these changes had been planted years ago. It’s just this year had a particularly interesting combination of causes and conditions which hastened the unfolding of some of it and pushed others to the breaking point.

The phrase keep going and growing is one I adopted from a advice article I had read five years ago. The quote as I remember it was,”... you need to keep your sphere of activities going and growing...”, and from the beginning I wanted this to be the ethos guiding my efforts. Yet with any hobby or art pursued for the joy of it it becomes a difficult juggle of time and priorities. I have not lost the desire to write poetry but I have been thinking a lot about what I want my poetry to be about. Am I trying to capture a feeling only? Am I trying to capture a moment briefly passing by? At one time or another it’s either one or both of these which I’m striving for. Now I’m also turning my mind toward the substance of the work, the quality of what I produce. Which is, in part, why I’ve taken a hiatus from posting my writing.

My goal always was to try and make a reader feel something. Work evoking the emotions or inspiring some insight my aim. But I’m not a professional poet, or writer, or anything close to that. In fact I’ve struggled to find a decent job for the past year. That I’ve maintained and made it through the storm of 2020 is something which amazes me. My work maybe reflects my experience in various roles. But the question persists where exactly does or should poetry figure in my life. Is it a leisure activity, or the vibrate energy of my soul to create? The only thing I do know is that I want to do my thing whatever it may mean. The past month, the first of 2021, I’ve reflected much on what my goals are creatively and in my life generally. I’ve taken my time to consider much and decide carefully whether to continue this project page. The direction may change the art may change but the ethos will remain the same; the mantra of continually keeping your life going and growing.