An open letter to No One

I would like to begin this letter with some imagery. See a river, wide and long, the banks on either side so far, the trees look like matchsticks. The water is clear, it is deep and you can see the polished rocks that line the bottom. You are on a canoe, floating easily along with the current, hardly noticing the landscape passing by. Now you must leave the water, you beach the canoe at the riverside and watch as the river flows on without you. Heraclitus wrote that one could not step into the same river twice. This being doubly true as the water in the river has changed but so has the person since stepping out.

2017 was the first year where I was not enrolled in school in some way. For the last two years I had been at a four year institution working on completing my degree in Philosophy. For a variety of reasons I began to dip in my grades and the overall quality of my work. These reasons do not escape me as I look back I can understand that it was my own mismanagement that made my position difficult to maintain. While at school I stretched myself beyond a reasonable amount. Briefly I will list some of my activities in addition to my full class schedule. I was involved in several academic and special interest clubs in some of which I held an officer position. I was a volunteer for two separate programs which included service hours and meetings. And I had a full life with friends and community that I lived in. When I look back, however, though I recognize that my schedule was too overloaded, I still believe I could have achieved more. I believe that if I kept my focus on my duties and obligations I would have succeeded.

So what went wrong? Well in my perspective it comes down to time management. I will say simply that my priorities were skewed and I wanted to spend more time having fun than working. So I had a difficult schedule which I was not very focused on and I wanted to have fun but sometimes fun and games can get you hurt. And that is what happened. Two large blows were struck at me and they both landed hard, and neither event will I discuss here. Simply put it required time to reevaluate my position and how I had been proceeded on my goals. I decided to leave school, I decided to leave where I was living. It is hard for me to capture in words the feelings I was experiencing, I felt numb but also profoundly shocked. I packed mechanically, aware of detail, but unaware of the world around me. The only thing that I focused on was leaving.

I has been a year since these occurred and I ask myself what have I learned? Nothing maybe. Maybe a lot. What have I done? I have worked, I got two jobs and have pumped hours out each week for the last nine months. What have I learned? Rent is high, things are expensive, I don't make enough money. Is that really all I learned? There must be more. What was the point of school anymore? Are people really getting anything from it anymore? I guess they are. During this year my esteem for learning has grown, but my esteem for institutions has plummeted. I have always tried to read widely and critically. I have learned much from that. This year there was no academic work to do, I have been free to explore my own intellectual curiosity. I still am passionate about the study of philosophy, which I wanted to pursue as a career. What does it mean to do philosophy? Am I only a philosopher if I am part of academia? Do I need the doctorate? While I was at school I would say that I had a distaste with this idea. Now I reject it. I reject it because philosophy has always been limited to the ivory tower, separated in some ratified sphere of human intellectual endeavor. Today the academic journals of philosophy are barely read and are limited by cost barriers to most of the literate public. What is the point of that? Really what is the point of academic philosophy that is incomprehensible to the everyday person?

I would like to make my point excruciatingly clear. Philosophy encompasses all human intellectual inquiry, it is the first "field of study". In ancient time any intellectual was considered a philosopher, whether they worked in mathematics, epistemology, metaphysics, ethics, it was all philosophy. The word philosophy has a contemporary definition which encapsulates the areas professionals study, such as epistemology and ethics. But the root meaning of philosophy from the Greek it is derived from is the "love of wisdom". While the contemporary definition limits to philosophy to what is done in the halls of university, philosophy is much more, it is the pursuit of knowledge in any guise. Still this does not mean that I should be so blindly optimistic. Historically any philosopher was someone who was well off enough to spend their time thinking, experimenting and writing. That is was the academics are in their own club, why we simply do not allow any one to call themselves a philosopher. Socrates was never granted the title of philosopher, he was a philosopher. There are many people throughout history who were philosophers but who did not possess the circumstances which would allow them into the ivory tower. In today's world anyone can enter the ivory tower after performing in the graduate school circus for years; yet, their words hardly reach anyone at all. This is very serious point there or thousands of graduate students pouring years of their lives into their thesis projects. And maybe 10 people read it. Could you imagine what it would be like to spend two years researching and writing only to have a few people read your work and deem whether it has value or not? Now yes I will admit that there is a difference between good arguments and bad arguments, and what one could call proper philosophy from merely extolling beliefs or opinions. But there is more to philosophy than writing a thesis for a examination board to confer a doctorate on you. Philosophy should not remain in the technical trade journals, discussed at conferences but forgotten in the cafés. What point was there for me to further enter this academic world?

But we do not go to college for intellect anymore. No we go for the degree, the piece of paper that somehow validate your abilities. It is such a joke. While I was at school I met so many people who were doing their work and still not learning much. Seriously there is a whole generation that is coming out of universities and considered educated but really only learned how to color in the lines and believe they challenge the status quo. So many people are deficient in critical thinking, and they complete their educations getting degrees. It is not my intention to shit my generation. It is my intent to shit on how we educate people. We set standards for every one to reach. That is ok I guess except there is no such think as intellectual equality, some people are smarter than others that is just a fact of life. I am not that smart, I am simply tenacious. As a child in school I felt that there were many instances were my intelligence was not respected by the system in place. It is because I do not like to color in the lines. I am not trying to be an arrogant self-absorbed asshole here, I was not some advanced mind stuck in the classroom; I simply liked proceeded at my own pace. And that is the problem with standardized education, it teaches to the idea of "where you should be" rather than were you are. Contrast a classroom with 45 students to one on one tutoring. Which produces the best results? It depends on what you want. If you want intellectuals then one on one is the best, if you want workers, if you want consumers hold everyone to the same standards. But I am being foolish public education is practiced in the interest of the nation-state as whole, of course they would be geared toward painting in the lines.

Does this make me seem like a disgruntled man? Does it make you wonder what happened to make me sound so bitter? You make think to yourself that perhaps I was trying to get into the ivory tower and could not, therefore I am angry at "the system" as I see. No this is not the case. It is true that at one point I wanted to enter academia as a professional. And while I was at university this dream was still in my heart and mind. What changed was within me, it was a change that occurred over the course of this year, caused by drudgery of my daily tasks, of the experience that my intelligence didn't matter for shit in my current role. I will not say that I am not angry or bitter, I am. But it is not because I was not allowed into the club. It is because so much that see and do is pointless in my perspective. This year working I have sold a lot of merchandise, I have washed a lot of dishes. My work is not glorified but is necessary for the company I work for. But these companies can easily fall under and be replaced. What are we all doing here? What I'm selling is not really needed by people. So much food is wasted at restaurants it is disgusting. Yes I asked more and more what the point of education was since it seemed that people barely cared to use their knowledge in latter life. What was the point of a philosophy degree when I sold stuff behind a counter? Everyone with a business degree learned more on the job than in school in my opinion. We all go to school because we believe that it will help us get a better job, this myth needs to be dispelled and this indeed is happening as more people leave school and enter the workforce.

In a lot of ways the economy is seemingly thought of as a mystical force and all we mere mortals can do is appease it. The prophets and believes extol the virtues of the markets and proclaim what actions will please the mighty force. They preach faith that solutions will come from incentives and entrepreneurship. The economy like a world river of wealth, it either flows smoothly or it dries up. The social sphere, always powerful, always dominate, it seems to be omnipresent due to technology. What is the link between these two besides irrationality? Both are huge chaotic systems, both can take absorb people into their workings. You either lose yourself or your financial security. Friends can undermine you, and a lover may ruin you, everyone is on their own two feet but they do not walk their own walk. Do you believe the illusions you see on social media? The economy is merciless still more, it may make you rich then bankrupt you in a few years. The Great Red Spot on Jupiter is adequate representation of these systems.

Ultimately this letter is about a guy who thought one thing about the world and came to learn another. My passion for learning still burns though the flame was threatened to be extinguished. And I still wish to share what I have learned and discuss ideas with people, I just had to find another way. Education to me is not about some job, I went to school because I liked it. You can get that good paying job and hate it, you could get that well paying job and be fired when convenient. For myself education is about making myself a better person, but for this to be the case I needed to learn about myself as a person. Lost in Aporia is a experiment that resulted from what I have observed and done. I want to do philosophy proper ( though this really means nothing) but I do not want to be in the ivory tower. I want to put ideas out there for everyone and that is what I am doing. I do not learn to make money. There will always be money coming and going. This is about passion. So let's keep it going.