Why Write: Reflection of LIA

So you may have noticed an inconsistency in my messages. On some posts I have very positive growth minded messages. And in my poems there tend to be darker themes. This difference is caused by the simple fact that humans are neither positive nor negative all the time. When I write poetry I am usually writing from an emotional place. And when I’m writing a message in a post well that’s from an intellectual place. This is not to say that I don’t take time to write and edit a piece with depth and meaning. I do try to compliment the more raw emotional poems which in some sense are just a spewing of feelings. So I ask myself the question: why write? Because I’m a creative. At least that’s what I tell myself and in some way I know that I’m trying to convince myself that writing is a natural part of me. And maybe it is. I have had the tendency to write since a young age. But in all honesty I feel like I lack the true passion for the writing, the actual work of writing, as others who endeavor in this task do. I’ve always been a day dreamer and as such have always had fun imagining other worlds. All these stories swirling in my mind I always had the idea to put them to page yet never found the resolve to do the actual work. Well I kept enjoying my story worlds and thought little of writing anything down. Still scribbling occasionally a poem once and awhile with some brief shorts the idea of writing never left me. School helped me understand the writing process that much more. From being an immature kid who would write the paper three hours before class. To my last semesters where I developed my technique and took pride in my research and argument structure. I gained a sense of the craftsmanship of writing. But I would not say I had a passion for the work. It was gratifying to have a paper with a developed, compelling argument, even more so if the instructor agreed. Perhaps I was too arrogant while I was at school, had an overconfidence in my abilities that I hadn’t yet earned. While regardless once my time at school ended I had no reason write. Here’s a quick aside; Lost in Aporia use to be Jeremy Niles .com a digital resume. And despite leaving school I still had the crazy desire to study philosophy and write about it. So I converted the website to me a domain to host my work. After I was out of school I found what I truly had a passion for—reading. Or perhaps a passion for collecting books. Both are intertwined so as to essentially be the same. As my book collection grew I found I had more thoughts to share beyond just philosophy. However everything kept boiling down to philosophy for me and so gradually I began to write. At this point in my life, once I had got the idea of Lost in Aporia, and my own independent reading I had an idea of writing. Sure at this point I should have had the skills to sit down and just write out a piece. And I did. Based off of a prompt, the questions or topics narrowed by an instructor. Well regardless I wrote what was on my mind and that happened to be poetry mostly. Here’s where something funny happened. I had been sharing short poems on Instagram and people actually complimented them. I was elated to have such a reception to my creative voice. I began to focus just on poetry. And I remember old story ideas and began to rework them. And I thought about how I could share much more on Lost in Aporia. I made plans and outlines and brainstormed until I had folders and binders for all the projects I’ve started or thought of. Ok let’s remember however, that at this point I had an idea of what writing was. Sure I had appreciation of craftsmanship of writing—that is why I made so many outlines. I had a good notion of what good writing was like, how it flowed, how it evoked. Every now and then I got lucky and wrote something with beauty and flow, depth and insight. Still I did not know about writing not yet. This is how carpentry became my writing tutor. To build a house requires concentration, determination, and disciplined consistency. All the same virtues which a good writer must cultivate. Once I taken this job I learned how spoiled I had been in university. As well as how lazy I was about my supposed passion for writing. See carpentry requires both craftsmanship and labor. These qualities are intertwined much like the passion for reading and collecting books are intertwined. Laboring during the day and studying at night I gained a respect for the amount of hard work it is to bring any project to completion. So I had an idea of the craftsmanship of writing. I learned a lesson about the labor involved in crafting anything. What I needed was resolve. Resolve to write, or at the very least figure out what it is I really wanted to do. So you have a Ideas and you set them down. You make the goal of creating a story, a poem, an essay. You want to do all those things. The you look up how to be published in journals, submit work, get rejected. Look into self publishing. Do you know how to make a book? You start losing ideas for new poems. Followers come and go. Who even visits Lost in Aporia ? Self-doubt. All the plans I had and the desire for an audience I began to stop writing. I still was trying to figure so much out. I am not a disciplined writer. I miss all my goal lines and left pieces unfinished for months. My poems are mostly writer on impulse. And seldom with editing. What kind of poem was I if I did not pay attention to meter and structure. Or even worse if I left grammar errors unnoticed be published. Just what the hell was I doing? I had been the same thing that I’m doing right now taking steps on a process. I had a wonderfully serene moment of clarity the other day. For once I understand with the entirety of my being I understood what it meant to be on my individual journey. For once I was able to forget the idea of not getting any work done and realize the idea of discovering the craft. Discovering the craft. Learning how to get myself to work, how to save the inspiration and sit down and put ink to page. To read everything and everything but not to forget to actually practice my abilities. Writing this piece is another step. Why write? Because of the creative force within me the energy of my being. All humanity has this creative force. For myself reading has been a source of pleasure and growth and perhaps writing is a natural development from so much study. Writing is not only an effort to express and self actualize but also to share that happiness I feel at finishing something. Writing is a choice to work in solitude, to work patiently with lack of inspiration, facing doubt and criticism. It’s a way to make your own way to leave your print on the world, creating something which only you can create.