Letter 11

Dear No One,

I know I want to write but I don’t know what to write about or even where to start in writing for this blog again. So I write to you my greatest friend. It is a privilege to sit here for a moment and try to place something on the page. No just an empty word vomit but something which signals the earnest desire of mine to just write while also making some kind of point. My point here being my lack of topics to write on.

Recently I’ve been experiencing a sort of imposter syndrome. I’ve written already about my freeze of thought, about my concerns that my writing is unnecessary or insubstantial. I counter these concerns by focusing on doing this for myself, or at least not really worrying about what value anything I publish may or may not have to anyone else. Well that was liberating No One but it didn’t result is awash of inspiration. I still have personal standards and to just fill pages with words for the sake of putting something out there would only denigrate the work I have done. So I wait for some topic, some idea, some insight, to come to mind.

The difficulty is in my mind state, now so focused on my business of bills and life management it seems I seldom have time to philosophize. And when I have the time I have fallen into the habit of being idle. No One I may not like my idleness but I no longer label myself as simply lazy. Life and work is tough a lot of energy is consumed in simply maintaining the day to day affairs. Success takes much effort and I feel as though I am climbing a mountainous sand dune. The effort of each step sinks me down just a little, each unit of production costing more than the progress it results in. It could just be that the position I’m in is just hard right now and with a greater opportunity of time and stability I will be able to make more moves. The move which I need to make is to free up more time to focus on the craft. No One for me to achieve even a minuet of what I want with my blog and writing aspirations I have find the stolen hidden hours where I can squeeze my craft into the reality of my life. A hard realization I needed to accept was that this situation of work-life management was not going to go anywhere or lighten up. The only thing I can work towards is greater time management skills and achieving work life balance. Writing has a very key role in my life management No One. It is the chicken noodle soup for my beleaguered and weary soul. So while I may not write every day I cannot just let this go, not unless I really want to forget who I am.