Letter 13: On Renewal of Practice

Dear No One,

It has been some time since I’ve resumed writing at all. And still there is so much doubt mixed in with the prospect of taking it back up. No One I cannot deny that I enjoy the expression of my thoughts on the page of my journal. But this urge to have a blog is something harder to explain altogether. I wonder if it is a symptom of the age we live in, the early digital age, where everyone has a platform, and nothing much seems to be said. So I have this page and justify keeping it by calling it my on going project. A place for me to collect my attempts at writing and my fragmented thoughts. A museum of my madness. Yet despite my wavering and neglectful attitude I have not nor do not want to quit the idea.

No One I seem to be stuck in a cycle where I am constantly disqualifying myself as someone worthy of pursuing writing. Then reasserting and reassuring myself that everyone has the right to try whatever they would like to. However you have to have a practice, a habit and realistic expectations. Calling myself a writer without anything to show for it is so foolish. I can say that I am someone who attempts to practice writing. Can I still call myself a philosopher though? Well there No One I think there is a definition I don’t want to wade into.

In part I stopped trying to post so much because I have felt like I have no original or interesting thought to share. A reaction to the question, “who’re you kidding?”; self-doubt it seems has been my theme for a few years. Disappointed in myself and my reality I have been seeking more and more an escape rather than an immersion. Spending so much time distracted it’s no wonder I have nothing to write about. I’m hardly here at all paying attention.

Just as my mind is unfocused so have all my aims regarding life philosophy and my self cultivation. Reading isn’t enough, I have been seeking and absorbing knowledge for years, without action, without practice words are just markings and sounds. There’s a whole story in my head, an escape from my mundane day to day where characters live out various what-ifs. When I dream too long I start to wonder a what-if for myself. What if I did write this or that. I go on reading books and getting inspired, taking down notes with ideas to muse on and grow. Studying about creative writing but not practicing any of what I’ve learned. The same goes for any aspect of writing, any study program, fitness program, diet, or spiritual practice. Learning isn’t enough, thinking about it isn’t enough, we must do, we must practice.

No One it is easy to declare you’re making a change but the truth is in the practice. One can be a daily devotee who focuses each day on their practice. Or perhaps you may be less habitual. The point is to have a practice and try to get better at it. If you start small but just start eventually you can build a skilled practice. This No One I believe in but more than that I am trying to realize it in actual practice.