Letter 3

Dear No One, Sometimes I think about my age and I look at my writing and I’m annoyed that I have not achieved the depth and profundity that I wish for. Looking over my posts I wonder just why do I produce so little. I look at the quality and question why is my writing not better. My mind offers examples of people who have published a best seller at 17. Or have a record deal at the age of 13. I think about these things and wonder about my own efforts. Well one of the first things that I can say is that I needed life experience. In fact I still need so much more that I feel like I have nothing to write about. Think about that kid who is making hit music as a teenager. It’s awesome that one so young can have the talent and focus to create their art. But as I listen to the love song I realize that it’s not a creative expression of something lived. I’m not saying that this young artist has never experienced love. Just that this song which is about love doesn’t sound as though it comes from a lived experience. Put plainly it’s easy to read about something, to learn how to write about it, and then produce something. The song could be a hit, it could even be a really good example of music. Still when I look into the lyrics there’s this generalized quality to it. The song may describe love or a relationship but it doesn’t sound lived. Basically think about any pop love song, it sounds good, composed well but has this production feel that makes it seem like something made to be consumed. This idea of consuming a song needs some explanation. What I’m getting at is the difference between merely listening and tapping along to a song compared to those musical gems you can feel in your soul. For examples I offer again any pop love song and the near perfection of ‘Yesterday’ by the Beatles. Given more thought on those young artists it can be imagined that they are more like instruments. I know this sounds terrible but here’s the truth of it—these are talented children who are shepherded into a life of performing. By their very talent they have been denied the chance to live a “normal life”. The bumps and bruises of ordinary life hurt but it is that hurt which can lead to the best creative spirit. The mountains and pitfalls of a professional career are difficult for even an adult to navigate, for a child I would say it becomes an oppression. See I started out here thinking too much about myself. I was wondering why I was not that successful youth who could just focus on my craft. Well I didn’t have the circumstances to dive right into it. Not to mention that I didn’t even conceive of myself as a writer until at most perhaps four or five years ago. And even then I didn’t take my steps at an attempt until two years ago. I’m on my developmental path finding my writing voice, but more importantly finding what to write about. One of the obstacles which has continually been in my writers path has been self censorship. At least that’s what I call it. And it’s not because of what I say either. I’ve had a desire to write short fictions and the like. I’ll have my idea and start outlining the plot, describing who the characters are, imagining the world, its environments and societies. As the story grows, however, I notice similarities to other works and characters. Does this mean that I’m a hack? Someone who likes to imagine things but has no real imagination? So I start questioning my work and the story convincing myself that it’s not good yet; that I have to solve the problem of similarity before proceeding. Well now after I’ve let myself calm down and think about for a few months I’ve come to some satisfying understanding. First I ask myself what is similar and how? “The powers are similar, it’s just a copy”. While the powers my be similar but how the character got them is way different as is the way they use them. “Ok well haven’t we see a story like this before?” Yes and what’s wrong with adding a different spin on it? The more I read the more I see that we tell similar stories again and again just from different points of view. Being on guard against copying or merely retelling an old story is a legitimate concern. And it might end up that the story on the first draft is too similar to another one. But that’s the thing it’s the first draft. Nothing is final and if you already have the first draft completed you have only to change that rather than starting anew. The object and goal, in the end, is to just get to writing. I worry too much about if this is actually going to be read or not. What if I just wrote without the intention of sharing it? Would I write better, would I finish? I’m letting the idea of an audience control me and that’s messed up. Because what matters is the writing, just getting it to page, and letting it grow.